Affairs: Physical/Emotional/Fantasy

narcissism and affairs: illustrations of broken relationship, couple shadow was ignoring each other.Are There Different Kinds of Marital Affairs?

If you partner is more attached to something or someone other than you and/or your kids, this could be considered an affair.

Affairs can be emotional or physical and may even be fantasy in the case of a person with pornography addiction, romance novel addiction or a crush or obsession with another romantic interest.

If your partner flirts and seeks praise and attention this may be a sign that you are part of a Narcissistic / Codependent Marriage.

Am I Wrong to Worry That my Partner Might be Having an Affair?

If you are often jealous for no apparent reason this is a sign you may need to work on your attachment style and relationship skills. There are exercises for this in The Love Safety Net Workbook to help you build more emotional intimacy and security in your relationships. However if you do believe that you partner is cheating on you, it is best to make moves to find out without obsessing. You can discretely ask other members of your family (and your friends) if they know anything, or you may need to hire a private investigator.

Keeping yourself in the dark is not going to keep you safe. In Back From the Looking Glass I will explain to you step by step how I rebuilt my Narcissistic / Codependent marriage.

What if it is me Who is Having the Affair?

Working through the exercises in Our Love Safety Net Workbook will help you build love and trust again with your family and will also help you fill your developmental gaps so that you do not feel so desperate for attention and affection.

What if my Partner is Having an Affair?

The steps and exercises we offer will help you build a much stronger attachment with your partner at the same time as you becoming more attractive.

No matter how much you feel you are the innocent victim of your partners affair. Statistics show that by leaving your partner (and putting all the blame on them for your relationship problems) you are like to form exactly the same type of relationship again in the future.

This does not mean you are to blame or that there is nothing you can do to protect yourself from your partners bad behaviour. We want to help you learn how to set better boundaries and stand up for yourself effectively. This may or may not earn your partners respect – but even if you still separate because their infidelity continues it will leave you in a much better position.

You should know that affairs usually mean that there is a whole web of lies you are living with including your partner embezzling money from your partnership to spend on their affair and using other family members as their alibi.

I know of a man who pretended he was spending time and giving money to his 18 year old son (after he moved out of home and into a new area) that he was really spending on his mistress. This poor boy was left alone to fend for himself with very little money or companionship while his family all believed he was being ‘spoiled’ by his father.

This boy didn’t tell his step mother or other members of his family because he was scared of his father and also scared of hurting her.

Would you like your children left in this situation because they felt you were not strong enough to handle the truth?

This is just one story out of hundreds I have heard about the collateral damage caused in families by affairs.

We want to help you grow stronger and be able to face these problems whether the affairs are physical, emotional or fantasy.

This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Despins

    I just rec’d an email from a woman who informed me that she is living with the man I have been with for over 5 years. She has listened to a message I left for him stating that if he could not dedicate some quality time for us then I will end it and begin looking for companionship elsewhere. He must have shared this with her to prove that we are not together any longer. However, after receiving that message, he came by my house unannounced and pleaded with me as he still loves me and do not want to loose me. He also left a desperate voice message prior to showing up at my home. She of course does not know this. He is very dependent on me in many ways. She wants me to answer her as she believes he is leading me on. I have been working on strengthening myself and have seen some success. This latest news is a huge blow to me. Do I confront him or stay busy with my self growth, gaining respect and “raising my value”? I do not want to answer her email. I do not want to hurt her and I believe that she already knows – hence the email. She has much more access to him and his phone and email and that is how she went behind his back to email me. I want to do what is best for me and him. I love him and know that he has traits of NPD and I have been actively working on my codependence. I love the magic scissors. Help I need Kim or Steve’s advice as this is time sensitive and I do not want to ruin the hard work I have already invested in your program. I have back from, the love safety net and recently order your blind spot. Thx

    1. Kim Cooper

      I really feel for the situation you are in. It must feel awful.

      As much as you do not want to hurt this other women you cannot protect her from the truth. You need to say sorry for being the messenger and then send her his texts.

      I would also let him know what has happened and that you are prepared to give him space and shelter if he decides to come home to you but that you will not tolerate being two timed.

      Just leave it at that for now and let things become uncomfortable where he is.

      You need to give him space if he is home with you but keep a close eye on where he is when he is out.

      Let things settle – but long term if he wants to be with you he needs to accept having something like chaperone on his phone. If he complains it is to spy on him say, “no it is for you to prove your innocence”.

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