Are Narcissism & Codependence What is Destroying Your Marriage?
As long as you and your partner hold opposing views on life, talking about ‘who-said-what-and-why’ in marriage counselling will never fix your marriage problems!”
Plus access to our free video, “3 Habits that Destroy Love”.
B y the time couples enter marriage counselling, each have usually made the decision to give their partnership time, attention & money. With mutual commitment and a professional counsellor in the lead, you would expect finding matrimonial harmony together at this stage should be easy.
Unfortunately many people’s experience of marriage counselling is not what you would imagine. Instead of bringing couples closer, many watch their marriage counselling sessions turn into a kind of battle.
As each partner tries to get the counsellor onside, the couple can end up squaring off in opposing corners. Rather than bring them closer together, the sessions become an all out battle of ‘two against one’, with the counsellor negotiating (or advocating for) a divorce or separation, instead of helping the couple live peacefully together.
Beyond this type of ‘marriage counselling tug-o-war’, a healthy view on relationships grows from the wisdom known in the social sciences as emotional intelligence. Sometimes simply called maturity, emotional intelligence is the wisdom of understanding our emotions.
Emotional Intelligence Training as an Alternative to Marriage Counselling
Research has shown that developing Emotional Intelligence improves a persons’ quality of life in every way science can measure.
Since peaceful and healthy relationships are central to quality of life, developing your Emotional Intelligence will of course help bring harmony to your home life.
Scientists following thousands of test subjects throughout their lives have discovered people with 4 major emotional competencies (central to a healthy view on life) do better on every scale of success devised so far by science.
Emotionally competent people live in better homes, in more peaceful suburbs, make more money, enjoy higher rates of job and marriage satisfaction and experience lower rates of divorce and mental illness in their families. Along with their children they do better at sport, school and work and enjoy better health and social connections (1).
Most important of all these competencies is good vagal tone (2) which, simply put, means being able to calm down quickly after an upset. Vagal tone is the most important indicator of happiness and success in life and can be improved with a few simple exercises.
I will share these exercises with you (and the other emotional competencies) as soon as you decide to join our free mailing list.
First I suggest you take some time to understand the underlying problem in most dysfunctional marriages by reading more about The Narcissistic/Codependent Marriage by having a look around at the links on this website. When you are ready to start working on improving your marriage and you want to get started on the tutorial, just click the top left logo on any page on this website to find your way back to this page and enter your email address to get started. Or to be sure you can find this page again, simply bookmark it now.
Before you risk entering a marriage counselling tug-o-war, this website offers you the opportunity to educate yourself about the signs of narcissism and codependence. Before you start looking for someone to take sides in escalating the battle, let’s see if your own current immature view on relationships might need improving?:
- As a child: you were expected to bring recognition to your family through achievement.
- As an adult: you resent being made to feel responsible for your marriage partner’s happiness.
- As a child: you were expected to keep your parents happy and keep the peace.
- As an adult: you feel you give your best to your marriage but your best is never enough.
Narcissism & Codependence are learned family roles; they represent opposing views on life that will cause conflict, chaos and disappointment, eventually destroying love & companionship
Kim Cooper – Author of Back from the Looking Glass
Includes the free video, “3 Habits that Destroy Love”.
CCN – UnSpun 014 – Kim Cooper – Saving the Family – with Jan Irvin & Joe Atwill
Watch this interview with Kim to find out what eldest daughters and the military have in common & how our culture and government is pulling families apart.