Beyond Marriage Counselling . . .
As long as you hold (hidden) opposing views on life, talking about ‘who-said-what-and-why’ in marriage counselling will never fix your marriage problems!”
Includes the free video, “3 Habits that Destroy Love”.
By the time a couple enter marriage counselling, together they have usually decided to give their marriage time, attention & money. With this level of commitment and a professional counsellor in the lead, you would expect that finding matrimonial harmony at this stage should be easy.
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Unfortunately, in many people’s experience, marriage counselling is not what you would imagine. Instead of bringing couples closer . . . many watch their marriage counselling sessions turn into a kind of battle.”
As each partner tries to get the counsellor on-side, the couple can end up squaring off in opposite corners. Rather than bring them closer together, the sessions become an all out battle of ‘two against one’, with the counsellor negotiating (or advocating for) a divorce or separation, instead of helping the couple live peacefully together.
Beyond the type of ‘marriage counselling tug-o-war’ I described above, a healthy view on relationships grows from the wisdom known in social science as emotional intelligence. Sometimes simply called maturity, emotional intelligence is the wisdom of understanding our emotions.
Emotional Intelligence Training as an Alternative to Marriage Counselling
Research has shown that increasing your Emotional Intelligence will improve your quality of life in every single way science can measure.
Since peaceful and loving relationships are central to our quality of life, this means increasing your Emotional Intelligence will of course help bring harmony to your home life.
Scientists following thousands of test subjects throughout their lives have discovered people with 4 major emotional competencies (central to an emotionally intelligent view on life) do better on every scale of success that has been devised so far by science.
Emotionally competent people live in better homes, in more peaceful suburbs, make more money, enjoy higher rates of job and marriage satisfaction and experience lower rates of divorce and mental illness in their families. Along with their children they do better at sport, school and work and enjoy better health and social connections (1).
Most important of all these competencies is good vagal tone (2) which, simply put, means being able to calm down quickly after an upset. Vagal tone is the most important indicator of happiness and success in life and can be improved with a few simple exercises.
I will share these exercises with you (and the other emotional competencies) as soon as you sign up for our free tutorial at the top of this page.
Don’t Let Narcissism & Codependency Destroy Your Marriage
Before you get started on our intro tutorial; if you would like to better understand the underlying problem in most struggling marriages, I suggest that first you take a little time to look around our website. Then when you are ready, come back and sign up for my free tutorial by simply entering your first name and email address in the sign up box at the top of this page.
You can navigate back to this page by clicking the top left logo on any page on this website, or to be sure you can find this page again simply bookmark it now.
Before you risk entering a marriage counselling tug-o-war, we want to provide you with the opportunity to educate yourself about the signs of narcissism and codependence in your marriage and learn what you can do to build a more peaceful and secure emotional foundation for your family.
Before you start looking for someone to take sides in a marriage counselling title match, let’s see if your own immature view on relationships is what might need changing?
Despite the finger pointing, name calling and sheer volume of misinformation on line, narcissism is a very common way of thinking and behaving. In its negative sense, narcissism is not loving ourselves – but loving a pretend idea of ourselves that doesn’t allow us to grow or be loved for who we really are. In it’s most simple description, narcissism is about being self-centred, which is obviously something we need to look at if we want to improve our relationships. Narcissism is easy to see in other people but much harder to see in ourselves.
- As a child: were you expected to bring recognition to your family?
- As an adult: do you resent being made to feel responsible for your family’s happiness?
Codependency describes a person who takes responsibility for trying to keep other people happy. They do this hoping that this person will look after their emotional needs in return. Again this pattern of behaviour is very common, but can seriously damage a marriage. A codependent’s thoughts and plans are centred on the other person. Because a healthy union requires that a person to be centred on their own needs and the needs of the people around them, being other-centred can be just as unhealthy as being self-centred.
- As a child: were you expected to keep your parents happy and keep the peace?
- As an adult: do you feel you give your best to your marriage but your best is never enough?
Narcissism & Codependency are learned family roles; they represent opposing views on life that will cause conflict, chaos and disappointment, eventually destroying love & companionship
Kim Cooper – Author of Back from the Looking Glass
Includes the free video, “3 Habits that Destroy Love”.
Narcissism & Porn – Kim & Steve Cooper – Our Narcissistic/Codependent Society
Codependency & Conscience – Kim & Steve Cooper – Our Narcissistic/Codependent Society
CCN – UnSpun 014 – Kim Cooper – Saving the Family – with Jan Irvin & Joe Atwill
Watch this interview with Kim to find out what eldest daughters and the military have in common & how our culture and government is pulling families apart.